Sunday, December 11, 2011

It's finally here!

My first hand-coded html page of a website. Hopefully I get more advanced at some point...but for now, let's just celebrate:

Also, check out my video self-portrait that was my final project for a class this semester, also housed at

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Stand-Up News


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

And the crowd really digs it.

For a group project we had to do a short documentary piece. So we went to the Brooklyn Brewery. Land of cats, hep tourguides, and frothy beverages. I apologize for not GREAT video quality, but we were under duress. We finished editing on Sunday, then Final Cut Express crashed and coorupted our file.  So we had to start all over again.  I think the editing is pretty decent, though.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

On the Radio!

I about an hour I will be on the radio show "Alternative to Sleeping."  Ethan is interviewing me about comedy and my experiences in it.

Listen to me here: at 10:30 PM EST!

I'll talk about how my two best friends in high school were 35 year old men in trench coats.

Sunday, October 23, 2011


I just spent the whole weekend in my apartment listening to these three artists on repeat:

1) Wilco
2) Diamond Doves
3) Shovels and Rope

1) Wilco has a new album out, called "The Whole Love" and it is fucking amazing.  The first song, "Art of Almost" is incredibly sexy.  My next favorite is "Dawned on Me," which is the musical equivalent of snuggling.  "Whole Love" is just well, whole love.  I can't stop listening to this whole thing on repeat.  Over and over. Alone on the subway. I take special walks just to listen.  This album has a track for every different kind of Wilco fan.  I am always so amazed at Tweedy and the band's ability to sound completely different all the time.  Every avenue they explore musically is exactly the kind of avenue down which I would like to stroll.  God, Jeff. You get it right. All I can do is make short declarative statements.

2) I don't know why it took me so long, but I just listened to the Diamond Doves Daytrotter session.  I don't so much enjoy their version of The Felice Brother's "Back in the Dancehalls," but I do love everything else.  Especially since I have seen them a handful of times live and have been dealing with the fact that the songs are in my head but I could never listen to clear version of any of them until now.  As you probably guessed, I love "Endlessly" the best.  However, there's a special place in my heart and libido for "Club Night."  It's raunchy...but I kinda dig it.  "Hey Lady" is just nice and sweet.  Did I tell you that when I met Nick Kinsey, he put down his drum to talk to me?  That means we're practically engaged, right?

3) I want to be Cary Ann Hearst.  Just watch this.  Need I say more?

I have literally been listening to all of the above on repeat all weekend.  I think my neighbors/roommate must think I'm crazy. Who cares.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


The gentleman at Squirrel Thing Recordings have something awesome up their sleeves...but they need your help!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

So many gross mustaches on the subway today. 

Unless, of course, you are Ron Swanson...

(Yes, my friends Photoshopped themselves into my picture with Mr. Swanson. My friends are internet meme geniuses.)

Friday, September 2, 2011

I'm getting a PhD in this.

I wanna study bad media. What makes it bad? What is the line between just plain bad and so bad it's good?  Who are the people making these things?  Are they kidding?  Are they too serious? What about sensationalist journalism?

Also...please help me understand the above video. I don't mean to be rude, but are they gang-banging her or something?

Sunday, August 21, 2011

I keep repeating this Jack Kerouac quote from Visions of Cody over and over again.  It sums up my method of existence:

I wish I had ten personalities, one hundred golden brains, far more ports than are ports, more energy than the river, but I must struggle to live it all, and on foot, and in these little crepesole shoes, ALL of it, or give up completely.

Monday, August 15, 2011


This is another music video of my nieces, set to Darren Hanlon's "Electric Skeleton." The girls are so funny in such a subtle, adorable way.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Look to the right of the screen!

You may now proceed to give me your lunch money...c'mon, it's for art!

This documentary not only asks the question “Who is Connie Converse?” but also, “Where did she go?”  To those who knew her, Connie Converse was a daughter, a sister, a sister-in-law, a friend, a scholar, a writer, an artist, a political activist, a composer, and a musician.  She was indeed all of those things, but as one can tell from the goodbye letter, Connie was much more.  She was a human in a lifelong battle with herself.  Each year brought more disappointment and loneliness as she struggled to connect herself to this world while seeking commercial success for her work.  Faced with major surgery, an impending trip to be spent sober with her mother, and a crippling sense of failure, Connie Converse drove off in her Volkswagen bug leaving only notes of goodbye.  The year was 1974 and she was 50 years old.  Connie was never heard from again, and all we have left is a filing cabinet of papers and her haunting, beautiful Musicks.

Although I am in the research/grant proposal writing/planning stages of the film, tricky circumstances have called for what might be my final chance to go to Michigan and speak with her brother, Phil, and sister-in-law, Jean. While I am in Michigan I will also be gathering materials to aid Lau Derette (the record label who released her album, "How Sad, How Lovely") with the re-release of a special edition. I will be purchasing a portable digital document feeder/scanner to obtain copies of as many treasures from the filing cabinet as I can, including her personal letters, pictures, and drawings.

My trip is scheduled for September 8-10 and I am attempting to raise any amount of money I can to subsidize the cost of travel, equipment, and other production expenses.  If you have a bit of fundage to spare, I would greatly appreciate donations of all denominations, from non-consecutive twenties to kind words.  I don't discriminate!  Soon I will have a website with a better promo video, pictures, an inside look into production, etc.  Of course I will keep you all updated as things progress.

I am so thankful for all of your support.  If it weren't for your belief in me, I wouldn't believe in me!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I need an intern.

3 jobs. Grad school. Documentary. 

More info soon about how YOU can help me spread the Gospel of Connie Converse.
If you would like to know right this second, please email:

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

My First Attempt...

Please disregard the less than perfect video composition and sound quality.  However, I needed to let some of this footage see the light of day!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Almost done...

I am working on a short piece consisting of the footage I shot in Michigan.  I'm hoping it leaves you mentally, entertainmently, and intellectually salivating for more.  At the very least, it'll give you more of an insight into the woman I've been talking about for a year and a half now.

Connie Converse is my life.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Friday, July 1, 2011

I've Done it!

I've cracked the LCD screen of white and begun a treatment for the Connie Converse documentary! Just for that, I'll post this picture of me with Phil & Jean Converse.  They're great people.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I Found My Instrument drum teacher said so.

Percussion is better than therapy.

I went to practice today at Funkadelic Studios on 35th.  It was an hour of deep relaxation and self-awareness.  It was an hour of awesomeness.  I wish I had a drum kit at home, I don't think I'd ever be upset for any substantial period of time again.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


A few things.

1) My computer has been in surgery at the Apple Store for the past week, so I haven't been able to do much "work" at home re: posting, editing, researching.  Hopefully I get it back today.  My keyboard and trackpad were deciding to randomly stop responding, usually while in the middle of some important task or another.  The gentleman who helped me was very nice and laughed at my description of the problem: "Trying to show you what's wrong with my computer is like having a little sister who is a bitch but your parents never catch her being one."

2) I have been in contact with a musician who is interested in the documentary project.  It'll be great to get a pro's musical perspective on her composition, melodies, arrangements, tonal changes, eeriness, syncopation, metronomeyness, rhythm, beats, fluidity, or whatever the hell it is you "technical" people talk about.  All I know is how music makes me feel.  More updates to come as it progresses.

3)  A week ago I thought of an interesting angle I haven't thought about before. It seems that people find themselves to be Connie fans via hearing her stuff on the Internet/technology either by seeing a blog post or listening to streaming radio. It also seems that Connie fans find each other over the Internet, too.  I have been contacted by a couple of fans who Googled, and I can't forget that I got a hold of Phil and the record company all via the Internet. It makes you wonder about the state of creativity and performing arts in our time vs. hers.  Would she have been commercially successful back then if she had a wider audience? What prevented her from being successful? How is technology changing the way we share our creative selves? Connie would've written a mean blog.  She probably would have had a hell of a niche audience, if nothing else.  Could she have disappeared so easily? There are dozens of us, though, who felt the need to take that extra step and do something about how wonderful Connie was. There's a group of people out there looking to make a musical, another group out there looking to write a play, and of course we had Lau Derette, a record company founded for the sole purpose of releasing her album. I will be meeting with the record company guy next week, hopefully. I think it would be great to try and find everyone who has been moved to do something about her.   I think this would have a lot more of a narrative push than just "boo hoo how sad her story is and I relate to it."Would she have been happier if she DID gain some kind of success?  Or, as my bro-in-law pointed out, would she be disappointed that her YouTube video only got 10 million hits as opposed to Rebecca Black's 148, 403, 627 (and rising) views?

4) I'm going to start taking drum lessons!  I've dabbled in piano, I've dabbled in guitar, and I am "ok" at them but pretty lackluster if I do say so myself.  Sure, I can strum through a handful of Wilco songs and Johnny Cash's "Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart," as well as tickle the ivories for "In The Mood" and "The Battly Hym of the Republic," but it doesn't leave me super-jazzed.  However, I have wanted to play the drums since I was 3.  Now I am finally paying attention to my life-long inclination for percussion.

That is all.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Tomorrow it begins.

I have not posted my analysis yet because I've been busy preparing for this weekend.  I actually have already written short pieces about the majority of her songs and have just a few more to get through.  It's amazing the kind of thoughts you have when you put on your headphones at a cafe in downtown Troy by the window for two hours.  I'll try to do the same thing in Brooklyn. I just have to find a good spot.  It's harder than you think.

Tomorrow I'm going to Ann Arbor tomorrow to spend the weekend with Phil & Jean Converse, Connie's brother and sister-in-law.  Given that I've never made a documentary before, I'm a little nervous.  I hope they know I do not claim to be a professional but I do claim to put my heart and soul into this. Here is my mantra: Conversation. Sequences. Close-ups. Conversation. Sequences. Close-ups. Conversation. Sequences. Close-ups. And fun.  Phil & Jean seem like lovely, lively people despite their self-proclaimed age.

One of my best friends is picking me up from the airport, which adds an even more intense layer of excitement on tomorrow's events.

Now I will try to sleep.  It's like Christmas Eve!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

We Lived Alone: Connie Converse & I - A Documentary

Dear humans, human-looking creatures who really have robot hearts, and androids who do and do not dream of electric sheep:

In the midst of my settling into the BK, I just wanted to let you know about a current project I am very excited about!  It's taken some time to get into motion, but some awesome steps have been taken!  

I have started researching a virtually unknown singer-songwriter from the 1950s named Connie Converse.  Connie Converse found herself in Pete Seeger’s circle, but never quite gained the fame she deserved.  She was insightful, but isolated.  Her songs were haunting, beautiful, witty, and deeply personal.  Faced with a need for major surgery in 1974, Connie packed up her Volkswagen beetle and drove off to start a new life, leaving only letters of goodbye.  Connie’s story could be expanded into a few different directions, from a study of the ins and outs of fame and the music industry of her time to a much deeper story about the relationship between creativity and loneliness.  I want to weave her haunting recordings and others’ interpretations of her songs with video footage to tell her story in a dynamic way.  Although I do not claim to have her massive talent, I feel that Connie Converse and I are soul sisters across time and I would like to document my journey of finding Connie Converse but also, in the process, offer a very blunt and real self-discovery. 

In May I will be going to Michigan to interview her brother Phil and sister-in-law, Jean.  They're wonderful people and I can't wait to learn more about Connie!  My crew and I must make this trip now as Phil and his wife are well into their 80s and I don't want to keep them hanging.  

Over the next month, I hope to hold a couple of events to raise awareness (and perhaps some cash to fund the trip, including the rental of some decent camera equipment).  I'm thinking open mics, parties, bar nights, and various other fun artsy times.

I am looking for:
 - event space ideas
 - bars
 - bands
 - filmmakers
 - performers
- enthusiastic go-getters 
who would like to collaborate on an event, or even the project itself.

Leave a comment if you know any takers! Well, in this case...givers.

Thanks for reading if you did,
Lock That Door Productions

Friday, March 11, 2011

Can't is the cancer of happen.

First thing's first: no, I don't think Charlie Sheen is crazy.  Do I think that he did/does have a drug problem?  Yes.  Are his actions toward women questionable?  Yes.  But I think that he knows exactly what he's doing.  Did you see the Charlie Sheen cooking show?  He's just tapping into a bunch of contemporary internet humor veins: Chuck Norris, machetes, "warlock, troll, tigerblood" vocabulary, hashtags (#WINNING is the counterpart to #FAIL and he even says #EPIC).  He is fitting in right with this generation.  We love to be confused by celebrities and we love "crazy" people.  I'm not saying he's Joaquin Phoenixing and completely pretending, I'm saying he's Hunter S. Thompsoning.  He may be "unstable" and doing drugs, but he sure is entertaining and eerily articulate in his rants.  I don't feel bad for him.  My bro-on-law made a good suggestion for his kids: he should send them away until they're 16 with a very nice, normal family and then come back and say, "Hey, I'm your dad. I didn't want you all screwed up.  By the way, your college is paid for in full by my tigerblood."

Paul Crik has been making videos for his campaign called "Killin' it," which seems similar to "WINNING."  So I asked him about it and this is what he said:

Winning and Killin are like neighbors on the same caribbean island; different styles and different values in the home, but the overall attitude of making your view of yourself more important than what other people think is the same. Winning It.

Moving on.  I chose the title of this post because I believe it!  I've been a can't-er for a long time, but in the past few months I basically said F-THAT.  And now I'm moving back to New York City.  More specifically Brooklyn.  Even more specifically Williamsburg.  With a pretty cool roommate.  And I will be working at NBC.  In 30 Rock. I know, I'm still absorbing all of this information.  Just waiting on that grad school acceptance...

This May I'm going to Michigan to interview Connie Converse's brother with a couple of friends (ie my production crew).  We've even gotten a UMich film student on board to be our videographer.  Stay tuned for ways you can help our cause!  We only need a few hundred dollars to rent decent camera and sound equipment.  I'm going to try and partner up with a few of my favorite local businesses to raise some funds.

Project positivity and it will all happen.  There's nothing wrong with things going right.


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I can smell the rained-on cement and the food carts.

In the past week, I've spent more concentrated time in New York than I have in a long while.  I got to travel down on Saturday to pick up a bus of urban-dwelling high school kids on Sunday morning, then I decided to ride the bus back with them and spend my day off in the streets of Lower Manhattan.  It was a good decision.

On Saturday, my friend and I attempted to take a tour at the Tenement Museum, but all of the tours were sold out.  I should have known they would be, as I have gone on all the tours before and that place is always hopping.  Whenever I was bored or looking to get myself lost, I would put on my walking shoes and turn right out of my Broome Street Residence.  I would walk until it got dark, or until I felt I had cut it close enough in regards to getting back in time to write my next paper on Israeli subcultures or French Cinema.

Although disappointed, my friend - who is also a history lover - was excited that a museum tour could be sold out.  In a lot of places, museums are last resorts for tourists on rainy days.  In New York they are one of the main attractions.  And that makes me happy.

Because we couldn't buy tickets to trudge up the tenement's wooden steps and preserve the bannister with our oily hands, I led us to Washington Square Park.  Saturday was one of the first nice days out, so I knew there'd be stuff going on.  Whenever it's even remotely decent outside, there's this group of musicians that gathers called UMO.  I used to sit with them and "Write the Essay" during my freshman year before the construction on the park started.  One time they even let me lead a song.  I believe it was Dylan's "If You Gotta Go, Go Now (Or Else You Gotta Stay All Night)."  Yes, I am kind of an NYU cliche for singing Dylan, but that song summed up (and still sums up) everything I've experienced and I had to get it out of my system!

>>Is any song worth singing if it doesn't help?<<

In the park that day, we saw a rendition of Julius Caesar in which everyone wore black formalwear.  Caesar was played by a pudgy, effeminate curly haired actor with a purple scarf.  It caught my attention, but although Julius Caesar is a personal favorite (The cause is in my will...I will not go!), I wasn't in the mood to stand through much more than 8 minutes or so.  Next up was a sand painter - he was cool, but not active enough for my attention.  Then, we found the music!  Two middle-aged musicians, a white guitarist and an awesome black bongo drummer were singing The Rolling Stones.  They didn't whip out my current favorite jam, "Beast of Burden," but it was still glorious.

Out of nowhere began Lou Reed's "A Walk on the Wild Side" and I was sold.  We sat there for a while and I bopped around very content-like.  The best part of the time spent in the park was watching all of the adorable children and their even more adorable dads.  The father in one such pairing was trying to share a slice of pizza with his daughter who had a blonde head of soft curls poking out of all sides of her bike helmet.  In this case, "share a slice" meant that the little girl rode her scooter in circles while the dad chomped away and occasionally stuck the pizza in the girls face every 4th or 5th go-around.  The wind blew and the sun was in our faces, but together we all sang "You Can't Always Get What You Want," and felt that collective appreciation for the day which is what I always thought church should be like.  (On the Sunken Treasure DVD, Jeff Tweedy says the same thing, and I think this is one of the main reasons I love him so).

On Sunday night, I was with a different friend and we found our way via the F and the L to The Sidewalk Cafe, anti-folk mecca.  I'm not sure what anti-folk is, and I think that's the point.  But anyway, I've gone to The Sidewalk Cafe a handful of times now, and I've never been disappointed.  Always entertaining, always thought-provoking - now, whether that thought is "What the fuck is this?" or "I can't believe they're singing 'John Henry' right now!"...the point is, there's always a thought.  I found out later that we stumbled into some kind of Anti-Folk Festival.  On a Sunday night.  I forget who the first act is, but they were definitely trying to channel Neutral Milk Hotel.  He wasn't quite there, but a couple songs came close to a comparable visceral tone.

The emcee, Dan Costello, continually impressed me by his ability to string his personal accounts together with intros to the various musicians that he so obviously admired and respected.  Who knew that a story about outside lavatories in Belarus could lead to a warm and welcoming intro to a favorite artist.  But it did.  He was a really impressive speaker, on the most genuine of levels.  I'm getting tired, but the highlights of the night were the random banjo player who sat in lotus position on stage during transitions between acts, the humorous whatever-it-is stylings of Beef and Jerky, and "The Adult Song" by Dave Deporis.  I could get into what I liked and loved about the acts but, honestly, you needed to be there in the atmosphere and my words would just kind of mellow it all out.

The last act, Talking Stick...featuring something or someone called Puppies Holding Hands, and some other things... was definitely anti-folk.  As the main guy kept giving a monologue-y reaction to genetically modified food, my friend thought they were just taking a really long time to tune up.  Really, that was the act.  Noise and instruments and banging and talking.  The talking guy reminded me of a combination of a billion Will Ferrell characters.  The posture and hair of Harry Caray, a delivery that kind of sounded like a defeated Alex Trebek mixed with a grass roots organic juice commercial with a bit of the high school music teacher who was husband to Ana Gasteyer's character.  It was engaging for a while, but my friend and I grew tired of being silent and wanted to get out to the bar to discuss everything that we just experienced.

By the end of the night we had met both Beef and Jerky, Dan Costello (who is from Albany!), and a few others.  I forgot how much I love weird people (no, I don't fear offending them because in this case, the "weirder" the more successful, the more entertaining, profound, etc.).  I don't mean it in the traditional sense.  I have been called weird all of my life and am trying to reclaim the meaning!  Own it! Know it! Cultivate it!

Live it.  Fly yo' weird flag high.

What would be on your weird flag?

Monday, February 14, 2011

I had a dream

which was all a dream.


Usually when I have pleasant dreams I wake up devastatingly disappointed.  Angry that the dream felt so real yet I woke up alone again in last year's Christmas pajamas.  This morning however, I actually felt hopeful.  I attribute this to the positive energy associated with my imaginary boyfriend Darren Hanlon.

Yes, I know I've discussed my feelings for him before, but this dream was pervasive.  In it I found myself performing with him in Woodstock, NY at a historical site.  The crowd loved us.  More importantly, they loved us together.  We crowd surfed in the dream.  I fell into the crowd and sank into the embracing appendages, their hands lifting me back onto the stage just before I hit the ground.  I could sing sweetly and we had a great performing chemistry.  Most importantly: he wanted me there!  While signing autographs after the show - even in the dream it was all a novelty... ME! SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS!  Both of our names were on the concert poster.  We joked and teased each other as we met our fans and scribbled on the thick paper with blue ball point pens.  I was on top of the world.  Even my sister was there having a great time!

After that the plot gets fuzzy, but I remember that it all ended with a phone call.  Darren invited me to perform with him in Australia next month, and I was excited about taking the days off from my job to go with him.  I still remember the feeling of the dream.  I was excited enough just to talk to him on the phone, so when he invited me to Australia it was the warmest and fuzziest feeling I've ever experienced in either waking or dream life.  It's nice to be reminded that good feelings do exist, especially when you feel a little beaten up and worse for the wear.  Dreams can do that.  They can give you a little taste of the potential of living.  You may never experience the actual situation of the dream, but you'll recognize the feeling, that's for sure.  For me, it's happened before and I know it will happen again.  I'm especially looking forward to this one!

I had a disturbing yet truthful conversation with a friend today about my affection for this man I do not know.  I think he was surprised at my choice given my track record of celebrity infatuations:

Friend: Is something wrong? He's not alcoholic, overweight, bearded, or old enough to be your father...
Me: hahahahaha no, I'm fine.
Friend: I even bet he's never ever been asked to play the role of a serial killer or pedophile in a movie, either.  Are you sure you're okay?


I hope I get to go to Australia tonight!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Why I Love Connie Converse #1

An excerpt from her "PROGRAM NOTES" to Connie's Guitar Songs:

"In general the songs of both volumes are arranged solely with an eye to change of key or pace. Were the composer to employ a descending order of her own preferences, the first hundred feet of tape would be jammed with indistinguishable sounds, followed by silence."

Friday, February 4, 2011

Next show!

Dollar-Store Roses and 
Fruit-of-the-Loom Lingerie
Valentine's Day advice from the Frugal Romeo 

A timely and larger than life variety of improvised stories, song and dance created on the spot and featuring you, our audience. We can tell your fortune, perform a musical of your life and re-enact your first date. Bring your sweetheart and laugh!

Saturday, February 12th, 2011 
ZuZu's Wonderful Life
299-301 Hamilton Street
Albany, NY

Admission: $12 adults, $8 students/seniors/military ($2 discount when you make a reservation)
make a reservation online
or phone (518) 439-7698

My bio and headshot are finally up on the Wit and Will site!  Woo, I'm official!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Hey, Presidential Scholars!

Yes, that is Beulah from Elephant 6! I quite enjoy blending myself into my work...


Saturday, January 29, 2011

Great big globs of greasy slimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet! Fresh fried eyeballs boiling in a pot of blood, OOPS I FORGOT MY SPOON!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Thursday, January 20, 2011

What Does It Say About Me

“Pre-1990, I was just candy canes and lollipops and ice-cream cones and unicorns; I was happy-go-lucky!”

...that I would drop anyone for present-day Alec Baldwin?  Anyone.  Yes, even you, Nick Kinsey.  Even you, Darren Hanlon.  Even you, British dude I met at Footsy Magoo's.

Maybe it's his smart but goofy sense of humor.  Maybe it's his pouty lips.  Maybe it's his intimidating stature.  Maybe it's because he's so smooth and sophisticated.  Maybe it's his voice.  The man could read The Book of Mormon out loud to me and after I'd be begging for more.

Actually, above all, I think I just want to fix him.  Or at least make him feel better.  Mr. Baldwin, despite all of his success and the fact that a good majority of people enjoy him as a celebrity, still thinks he's sort of a failure.  He wishes he could carry at least one major movie as the lead.  What I relate to the most is his internal struggle between choosing a completely different path, disengaging while just living a normal life where all that's left to wonder is "Did the mail get here yet?" and wanting to be recognized as outstanding in his field.  He's never satisfied with what he's accomplished.  There's always more left to do.  Oh, Alec!  For realsies.  I get it.  I think we could have some great conversations together, among other things.

This whole chain of thoughts was jump-started by re-watching a really bad but really pathetically relatable movie, Suburban Girl.  After eating dinner at my cousin's house, it was randomly on television.  I first saw it on Netflix last fall, when my life was about to take a major turn and I was extremely sick in bed for quite a few days.  Just before college graduation.  Filled with anxiety about job prospects, romantic prospects, life prospects, and family issues combined with pneumonia AND bronchitis, I found myself virtually paralyzed and my room might as well have been quarantined.  While immobile, all I decided to do was read The Dharma Bums and watch Alec Baldwin movies.

I watched Suburban Girl at 2 o'clock in the morning.  It was eerily similar to my life, in the most detailed, weirdest way possible.  Try to ignore the fact that my "character" is played by a miserably dressed Sarah Michelle Gellar.  In the movie, "Brett" is an aspiring editor who ends up dating a much older, alcoholic, brilliant, charming, hilarious mentor-ish man (Alec).  Anyone who knows me knows this is right up my alley.  See here.  Did I mention that "Brett" also skipped third grade?  And that "Archie" (Baldwin) took her to see a marathon of Orson Welles movies.  The similarities are kind of scary.  Almost as disturbing as when I first watched this (starting at 4:00).   So startling that I jumped out of my bed, desperately hoping that someone else was up at that ungodly hour.  Thankfully, my friend Patrick was awake procrastinating while watching Fight Club.  I gushed and tried to explain how confused and touched and embarrassed I was that a 2007 movie starring Gellar could be so similar to my thoughts and feelings.  The main difference: in the beginning of the film she is dating an age-appropriate, modelesque douchey dead-behind-the-eyes-guy, which I can never see happening for me.

All I really want to take from the movie is that hopefully I'll someday date Alec Baldwin (or his real-life equivalent) and end up leaving him because I'll have learned what I need to from him and can move on to bigger and better things.  (Really, though, if I ever snag an Alec, I'm not going anywhere... until he dies, at least.)

This is what I say: any man who can keep his career going and stays sharp despite the whole world hearing him call his 11 year old daughter a pig on a voicemail message is alright with me.  After all, when was the last time you met an 11 year old girl that you didn't want to punt through the wall?

Read this devastating article and you'll see what I mean.

P.S. What do you think it would take to get a restraining order from someone like Alec? At least then he'd know who I am... I'm kidding! 

...of course...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Friday, January 14, 2011

Waiting for Yoga.

Where the she-whale swims with her calf and never forsakes it, 
Where the steam-ship trails hind-ways its long pennant of smoke, 
Where the fin of the shark cuts like a black chip out of the water, 

Where the half-burn'd brig is riding on unknown currents, 
Where shells grow to her slimy deck, where the dead are corrupting below; 
Where the dense-starr'd flag is borne at the head of the regiments, 
Approaching Manhattan up by the long-stretching island, 

Under Niagara, the cataract falling like a veil over my countenance, 
Upon a door-step, upon the horse-block of hard wood outside, 
Upon the race-course, or enjoying picnics or jigs or a good game of 
At he-festivals, with blackguard gibes, ironical license, 
bull-dances, drinking, laughter, 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Boredom + Wilco + Art supplies =

I would like to thank the Prison Families of New York organization for the tote of art supplies that I received in the 7th grade for Christmas.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Kenny Winker - Now We Can Make Love

Whenever this comes on my iPod at the gym, I get the best workout. Mostly because I'm laughing and trying to stay upright on the ARC trainer at the same time...

nacho libre hug hug kiss kiss

I am always in the mood for this movie.

Let Me Be a Girl For a Minute/

Lots of other penguins seem to do fine in a universe of nothing but ice...

I got this book for my youngest niece a while ago, probably when she was first born.  When I saw it in the store, I almost cried.  I was filled with that weird warm tingly feeling usually reserved for Wes Anderson movies and live performances of theatre and music.  It was painfully adorable and honest and exactly how I feel about everyone I know and actually like in my life.  In fact, I want to buy a copy for all of them. Now, combine that with Davy Jones from The Monkees.  Nothing could be more simple, honest, catchy, or sweet!

/end being a girl for a minute.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


Whenever things are shitty

I can always count on classic Russian literature to make me feel a little bit better.

"Hey, at least I don't live in 19th century St. Petersburg where the occasional sweetmeat is my only pleasure."

A Very Zeldy Christmas

Pengy toddler!

Uncle Brud of fighting with E fame.

My dad takes awesome pictures.

Mo & me.

Yay creepy tattooed Santa.

Bro-in-law stealing stuff from his kids.


The only way to eat a cupcake.

Frosting time.

You're a birthday star at Chuck E. Cheese!

More birthday star action.

I say HAPPY you say BIRTHDAY

Holding my son that I pawned off on some other family to take care of.

I don't care what you say, I love Chuck's pizza. You can eat like 8 slices and not feel bad 'cause they're tiny.

Birthday celebration at home

Em took inventory of all her Zoobles with her new camera.

Emma the Photographer 1

Sister: It's pretty good from a 4 ft something view.

Trying to get in the frame

Pengy sisters

Best pjs ever

So hard to get everyone on the same page

One of many tries

What's a group of penguins called?