Back 'n' bloggin

Yo champs!

I am back from my grueling journey. 2 weeks of cheeseburgers, po'boys, ice cream, boudin (seen above), cracklin, beer, omelettes and 4 pounds later, here I am. I wasn't able to blog on the trip since I rarely had interweb access and my iPad isn't the best at letting me use blogger. Hopefully you kept up with the journey via Twitter, though. If not, then I will slowly but surely give you my post-trip account of all the things I encountered. Well, not all of them, perhaps just the mildly amusing and safe to publish things. There are many things. So many things there are. I like things.

By far, my favorite stop was Louisiana. The moment I stepped outside of the freezer (aka Dodge Caravan), it was like someone installed a warm-water faucet on the back of my neck and turned it on. New Orleans is like walking around a Bikram yoga room but without the expensive fee. We arrived under cover of night, checked into the hotel, and then waited for the arrival of Mr. David. Although he used to teach earth science and theology in upstate New York, Mr. David now works for BP and is a man of mystery. He took us for hurricanes in one of NOLA's lovely courtyards. After catching one another up on our lives, we parted ways and set out to satisfy our ravenous roadtripping hunger. Fried fish, with lettuce, tomato, and a large glop of mayo on a French baguette never tasted so good.

The next morning we explored the French Quarter, but the highlight was definitely trekking to the swamp and meeting Captain Jack. Cap'n Jack "gave 110%" and we couldn't have asked for anything more. He assured us that anything we might have questions about we'd definitely discuss. "You wanna know about the trees? We'll talkabout it. Gotta know about the gators? we'll talkabout it. Don't worry, folks, we'll talkabout it."

A tourguide for the Honey Island Swamp, Cap'n Jack introduced us to...El Whoppo. El Whoppo is the biggest alligator ever found in the wild. "I can't even tell you how big he is. Yer only seein' 'bout 10-20% of 'em. You don't even understand! He's a big boy. You can search all yer life, never gonna see a alligator this big! Nope, never gonna..." Cap'n Jack - who, by this point I was madly in love with - proceeded to feed El Whoppo marshmallows and hot dogs. Then, with a gasp from the other boat passengers, he reached down into the water and grabbed El Whoppo's paw, lifting it up into the air so we could all see. "Whop wouldn't ever do nothin' to me. Right, Whop? He wouldn't hurt me. Hey, Whop. How are ya buddy?"

The tour was great, especially when he drove so fast I finally felt a breeze for the first time since leaving Albany. We explored the Bayou and saw the swamp houses and how they have to take a boat to the grocery store. One of the houses had a sprinkler on the roof. "That's a Cajun air conditioner," Cap'n Jack informed us. And then Cap'n Jack had a moment of darkness: "Man, I went inna house that had one of those one time. Keeps it cool, but man I get depressed. Feels like it's rainin' all the time. Hopeless. I walked outside and I was like aww man there's the sun! Man, inside, with the sound of that, man, you get depressed. Sheesh, yeah..." After recovering from his brief flashback to Cajun Air Conditioning Depressive Disorder, he drove right next to a branch hanging over the water. A branch that had a red wasps nest. "Whoooweee! Man, they give me the willies! Those things are messed. Up." He motioned to the children on the boat, "Those kids, wouldn't survive it! Nope, they wouldn't. Once they swarm ya, woooo it's all over. Lotta fisherman accidentally rustle 'em up with their lines. Not a pretty sight. No, sir."

The tour of the swamp ended all too quickly, but I did manage to get my picture taken with this hunka hunka burnin' Cajun man meat.

Well, I must depart for now. More stories to come! I hope to edit my footage at some point soon, but that will probably depend on if I ever get access to a computer that won't overheat and burn my vulva from working too hard as I try to edit.