Great big globs of greasy slimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet! Fresh fried eyeballs boiling in a pot of blood, OOPS I FORGOT MY SPOON!

Wolf Parade - I'll Believe in Anything

This song. All day. All night.

What Does It Say About Me

“Pre-1990, I was just candy canes and lollipops and ice-cream cones and unicorns; I was happy-go-lucky!”

...that I would drop anyone for present-day Alec Baldwin?  Anyone.  Yes, even you, Nick Kinsey.  Even you, Darren Hanlon.  Even you, British dude I met at Footsy Magoo's.

Maybe it's his smart but goofy sense of humor.  Maybe it's his pouty lips.  Maybe it's his intimidating stature.  Maybe it's because he's so smooth and sophisticated.  Maybe it's his voice.  The man could read The Book of Mormon out loud to me and after I'd be begging for more.

Actually, above all, I think I just want to fix him.  Or at least make him feel better.  Mr. Baldwin, despite all of his success and the fact that a good majority of people enjoy him as a celebrity, still thinks he's sort of a failure.  He wishes he could carry at least one major movie as the lead.  What I relate to the most is his internal struggle between choosing a completely different path, disengaging while just living a normal life where all that's left to wonder is "Did the mail get here yet?" and wanting to be recognized as outstanding in his field.  He's never satisfied with what he's accomplished.  There's always more left to do.  Oh, Alec!  For realsies.  I get it.  I think we could have some great conversations together, among other things.

This whole chain of thoughts was jump-started by re-watching a really bad but really pathetically relatable movie, Suburban Girl.  After eating dinner at my cousin's house, it was randomly on television.  I first saw it on Netflix last fall, when my life was about to take a major turn and I was extremely sick in bed for quite a few days.  Just before college graduation.  Filled with anxiety about job prospects, romantic prospects, life prospects, and family issues combined with pneumonia AND bronchitis, I found myself virtually paralyzed and my room might as well have been quarantined.  While immobile, all I decided to do was read The Dharma Bums and watch Alec Baldwin movies.

I watched Suburban Girl at 2 o'clock in the morning.  It was eerily similar to my life, in the most detailed, weirdest way possible.  Try to ignore the fact that my "character" is played by a miserably dressed Sarah Michelle Gellar.  In the movie, "Brett" is an aspiring editor who ends up dating a much older, alcoholic, brilliant, charming, hilarious mentor-ish man (Alec).  Anyone who knows me knows this is right up my alley.  See here.  Did I mention that "Brett" also skipped third grade?  And that "Archie" (Baldwin) took her to see a marathon of Orson Welles movies.  The similarities are kind of scary.  Almost as disturbing as when I first watched this (starting at 4:00).   So startling that I jumped out of my bed, desperately hoping that someone else was up at that ungodly hour.  Thankfully, my friend Patrick was awake procrastinating while watching Fight Club.  I gushed and tried to explain how confused and touched and embarrassed I was that a 2007 movie starring Gellar could be so similar to my thoughts and feelings.  The main difference: in the beginning of the film she is dating an age-appropriate, modelesque douchey dead-behind-the-eyes-guy, which I can never see happening for me.

All I really want to take from the movie is that hopefully I'll someday date Alec Baldwin (or his real-life equivalent) and end up leaving him because I'll have learned what I need to from him and can move on to bigger and better things.  (Really, though, if I ever snag an Alec, I'm not going anywhere... until he dies, at least.)

This is what I say: any man who can keep his career going and stays sharp despite the whole world hearing him call his 11 year old daughter a pig on a voicemail message is alright with me.  After all, when was the last time you met an 11 year old girl that you didn't want to punt through the wall?

Read this devastating article and you'll see what I mean.


P.S. What do you think it would take to get a restraining order from someone like Alec? At least then he'd know who I am... I'm kidding! 


...of course...

True Religion

True Religion

Waiting for Yoga.

Where the she-whale swims with her calf and never forsakes it, 

Where the steam-ship trails hind-ways its long pennant of smoke, 
Where the fin of the shark cuts like a black chip out of the water, 

Where the half-burn'd brig is riding on unknown currents, 

Where shells grow to her slimy deck, where the dead are corrupting below; 
Where the dense-starr'd flag is borne at the head of the regiments, 
Approaching Manhattan up by the long-stretching island, 

Under Niagara, the cataract falling like a veil over my countenance, 

Upon a door-step, upon the horse-block of hard wood outside, 
Upon the race-course, or enjoying picnics or jigs or a good game of 
base-ball, 
At he-festivals, with blackguard gibes, ironical license, 
bull-dances, drinking, laughter, 

Boredom + Wilco + Art supplies =

I would like to thank the Prison Families of New York organization for the tote of art supplies that I received in the 7th grade for Christmas.

Kenny Winker - Now We Can Make Love

Whenever this comes on my iPod at the gym, I get the best workout. Mostly because I'm laughing and trying to stay upright on the ARC trainer at the same time...

nacho libre hug hug kiss kiss

I am always in the mood for this movie.

Let Me Be a Girl For a Minute/

Lots of other penguins seem to do fine in a universe of nothing but ice...

I got this book for my youngest niece a while ago, probably when she was first born.  When I saw it in the store, I almost cried.  I was filled with that weird warm tingly feeling usually reserved for Wes Anderson movies and live performances of theatre and music.  It was painfully adorable and honest and exactly how I feel about everyone I know and actually like in my life.  In fact, I want to buy a copy for all of them. Now, combine that with Davy Jones from The Monkees.  Nothing could be more simple, honest, catchy, or sweet!

/end being a girl for a minute.

Josh Groban Sings Kanye West Tweets

From http://everypageofmobydick.blogspot.com

Whenever things are shitty

I can always count on classic Russian literature to make me feel a little bit better.

"Hey, at least I don't live in 19th century St. Petersburg where the occasional sweetmeat is my only pleasure."

A Very Zeldy Christmas

Pengy toddler!

Uncle Brud of fighting with E fame.

My dad takes awesome pictures.

Mo & me.

Yay creepy tattooed Santa.

Bro-in-law stealing stuff from his kids.

Sister!

The only way to eat a cupcake.

Frosting time.

You're a birthday star at Chuck E. Cheese!

More birthday star action.

I say HAPPY you say BIRTHDAY

Holding my son that I pawned off on some other family to take care of.

I don't care what you say, I love Chuck's pizza. You can eat like 8 slices and not feel bad 'cause they're tiny.

Birthday celebration at home

Em took inventory of all her Zoobles with her new camera.

Emma the Photographer 1

Sister: It's pretty good from a 4 ft something view.

Trying to get in the frame

Pengy sisters

Best pjs ever

So hard to get everyone on the same page

One of many tries

What's a group of penguins called?

I'm going to try this in Zumba. Looks like a great work-out.

The Future + Violence + Technology...

 equals awesomely bad movies.  Remember, Google is watching you.

Defying Beauty - Finished Product

Please check it out!  It's your duty as a human in America.

I'm in my first PDF file!

It's by Wit & Will photographer, publicist, Laura Murray.

Read, weep, enjoy.

Step Into Christmas Outtakes

Baby baby sing with me somehowwwwwww

Neil Young looks a little like the oldest brother from that crazy Christian show 7th Heaven... but it's still in my top three favorite performances of "The Last Waltz."  Joni Mitchell annoys me a bit, though.  They make her sing behind the curtain, which is pretty hilarious.

Even though he was super skinny, Robbie Robertson was a hunk.  Now he looks like old Dan Akroyd:

Robbie Robertson

Dan Aykroyd

Let's Ramble at Midnight

Who wants to go to this with me?

Levon Helm (the legendary drummer from The Band fame) has shows at his studio in Woodstock, NY.  They're called The Midnight Ramble.  You go, you hang out, and you enjoy the hell out of yourself by spending time in close quarters with amazing musicians in an amazing space.  Everyone brings a side dish of food to share at the community table.   Cool guests like Elvis Costello often stop by.

If you have no idea who Levon Helm is, you probably do and you just don't know it.  The Band was Bob Dylan's back-up band for a time.  They are responsible for such glorious songs as "The Weight" - or, as I called it when I was a kid, the "take a load off Fanny" song - "Up On Cripple Creek," "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down," and many, many others.

In "The Last Waltz," The Band's farewell concert film directed by Martin Scorcese, they performed with pretty much EVERYONE of that time.  Neil Young, Dr. John, The Staple Singers, Ringo Starr, Bob Dylan (of course), Muddy Waters, Van Morrison, Eric Clapton, Joni Mitchell, Ronnie Hawkins, and Neil Diamond (who was pretty out of place, but is still worth a look-see).  You MUST watch it, it's important to your cultural, musical, and coolness education.  It's a documentary about The Band and a video of a live performance.  They had to digitally remove a piece of cocaine from Neil Young's nose before they could release it.  If that doesn't scream "GO SEE IT NOW!" then I don't know what else would.  My Uncle Jimmy had been telling me about it ever since I was old enough to buy CDs and when I finally saw it, I've found myself bringing it up in conversation on a regular basis.

I. Need. To. Go.  To. The. Midnight. Ramble. But this is one thing I won't go to alone, if only for the fact that I have to drive by myself late at night in the middle of the woods.  Also, it's a lot of money, so perhaps I will wait until some kind of birthday... orrrrr until next Christmas.  I wish we still lived in a time where things like this happened organically and you didn't have to pay $150 to be around awesome performances and eat home-made macaroni salad.  But, this is the world we live in now.

Still, keep it in mind, everybody!  If you get over 5 people to go there's a discount...

Somethin' I know, somethin' I know, please don't tell me somethin' I know

Song version comparison time!  Yes, I've been listening to sonically "lighter" music (but not so much lighter lyrics?) lately.  Enjoy the tunes and let me know what you think of the relationship between Hanlon's acoustic cover and Fischer Z's 80s tune.

Still trying to figure this video out. 

Unfortunately the album version of Darren's cover isn't on YouTube.  He adds a bunch of crazy noises, including that weird percussion sandpaper thing from this video, as well as "car door open" sounds and other beeping and video game noises and whatnot.  Maybe I'll try to put it to a video sometime.  It's nice. 

Thoughts?