Shit.
Usually when I have pleasant dreams I wake up devastatingly disappointed. Angry that the dream felt so real yet I woke up alone again in last year's Christmas pajamas. This morning however, I actually felt hopeful. I attribute this to the positive energy associated with my imaginary boyfriend Darren Hanlon.
Yes, I know I've discussed my feelings for him before, but this dream was pervasive. In it I found myself performing with him in Woodstock, NY at a historical site. The crowd loved us. More importantly, they loved us together. We crowd surfed in the dream. I fell into the crowd and sank into the embracing appendages, their hands lifting me back onto the stage just before I hit the ground. I could sing sweetly and we had a great performing chemistry. Most importantly: he wanted me there! While signing autographs after the show - even in the dream it was all a novelty... ME! SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS! Both of our names were on the concert poster. We joked and teased each other as we met our fans and scribbled on the thick paper with blue ball point pens. I was on top of the world. Even my sister was there having a great time!
After that the plot gets fuzzy, but I remember that it all ended with a phone call. Darren invited me to perform with him in Australia next month, and I was excited about taking the days off from my job to go with him. I still remember the feeling of the dream. I was excited enough just to talk to him on the phone, so when he invited me to Australia it was the warmest and fuzziest feeling I've ever experienced in either waking or dream life. It's nice to be reminded that good feelings do exist, especially when you feel a little beaten up and worse for the wear. Dreams can do that. They can give you a little taste of the potential of living. You may never experience the actual situation of the dream, but you'll recognize the feeling, that's for sure. For me, it's happened before and I know it will happen again. I'm especially looking forward to this one!
I had a disturbing yet truthful conversation with a friend today about my affection for this man I do not know. I think he was surprised at my choice given my track record of celebrity infatuations:
Friend: Is something wrong? He's not alcoholic, overweight, bearded, or old enough to be your father...
Me: hahahahaha no, I'm fine.
Friend: I even bet he's never ever been asked to play the role of a serial killer or pedophile in a movie, either. Are you sure you're okay?
sigh.
I hope I get to go to Australia tonight!
